Your Dark Side
Your dark side is important, yes. But let us start with my dark side.
Which I love.
I love my judgmentalism, my self-righteousness, my racism, my impatience, my grandiosity and resentment, my fear and anxiety. My hatred.
Why do I love these terrible things?
Because they point me directly to the work (what some call “shadow work”, what I call emotion work) I have to do. I love these terrible things because I hate them and want to change them. And I can’t change them unless I feel them, notice them, embrace them as real (for me). And human. And malleable.
Denying or repressing these terrible things won’t change them.
It will simply shove them down into the unconscious. Which then emerges, completely unbidden, unexpected, in daily interactions. “I’m not a racist” becomes disproportionate detentions for Black students. My anxiety about my students’ terrible grades on a test becomes bitter sarcasm. My shame and self-doubt about my value as a teacher lead to one too many cocktails on a Wednesday night.
Instead, embracing these terrible things — bad feelings, negative self-beliefs, undermining expectations of the world — means I can examine them, understand them. It means I can
fill myself with compassion
for myself and others. It means I can deepen my self-awareness and make plans of action that repair or strengthen my relationships with my students and others.
It means I can feel better and be better.
It means my light gets to shine through.
That’s my dark side. What about yours?