The Messy Middle

Recently I was talking with a client whose wise daughter suggested to her that students who spent their middle school years at home during COVID had missed the “visceral, embodied experience of the

hellhole

of middle school” and were, therefore, more inclined to be entitled, bratty, and lazy as high schoolers.

Super interesting idea. Specifically, that in-person middle school is a miserable rite of passage that builds the character that high school requires. Food for thought (for another time, perhaps).

More food for thought: That the messy middle is a useful place to be.

That dichotomous options — extremes, on/off binaries, polarization — while temptingly clean and seductively admirable, are actually

maladaptive,

counter-productive,

and, fundamentally,

impossible.

Some dichotomies I have encountered in educators:

bad——————————good

imperfect ——————————perfect

powerless——————————all-powerful

stupid——————————intelligent

racist——————————not racist

Where’s the middle ground? How does each of us find it for ourselves? And how do we allow ourselves to accept who we actually are at any given moment rather than who we think we should be — good, perfect, all-powerful, intelligent, not racist — all the time?

The middle ground is messy because it’s real. It’s where we feel uncertain, angry, sad, envious, disappointed, biased. And joyous. And loving and caring. It’s where we have to adapt, listen, change, grieve. It’s where we have to live in our bodies, fully, creatively, each moment as it comes.

Dichotomous thinking, in contrast, traps us in denial of what is true about ourselves (and others). Avoiding what is true about ourselves prevents us from learning and growing. Learning and growing, becoming our best selves, is

our only hope.

Mantra: Bless this mess!!!