Care is dying in our country.

In which I share what I'd like to do about it

I gather people are afraid to call what Donald Trump and Elon Musk are doing “a coup.” Just like it took the media years to call what Donald Trump says “lies.” This politeness — !! While our democracy gets ransacked.

We are in a constitutional crisis. No doubt about it. But it’s also a crisis of care. I hope our legal system can — and I wish our Congress would — protect the rule of law. I believe it’s our job as humans to protect care.

That’s what my project, Teaching through Emotions, is about. Protecting care. Right here in our own lives. At home. At work. In classrooms. Online. In the grocery store. Using the power of our relationships — and our emotions — to make the world a better place.

So, the crisis of care. Think of the agencies and issues (and countries!) that Musk and Trump have targeted:

• USAID, which offers care to people — farmers, children, babies! — the world over

• undocumented immigrants, who provide care as nannies, as companions to our elderly, as deliveristas, as fruit and vegetable pickers and sellers, as so much else

• NIH, which funds scientific research that is looking for treatments and cures for infectious diseases, cancer, Alzheimer’s

• Canada and Mexico, our physical neighbors and precious trade partners, who qualify (it would seem) for the Christian adage to “love they neighbor as thyself”

• funds for everything and everyone who receive federal aid because they need government help

• LGBTQ youth and adults, who apparently no longer deserve care, respect, or basic human rights

• programs that safeguard diversity and equity and aim at righting the social, political, and economic imbalances caused by racism (the very antithesis of care)

• the Department of Education, which takes care of what I consider to be organizations at the forefront of caring: schools

• the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, which protects the little people from fraud and usury by businesses

• Inspectors General, who also protect the little people — i.e., American citizens — from fraud and usury by the government

• Ukraine, a democratic ally that is resisting illegal invasion of a sovereign nation

And on and on. I daresay there is not one thing Trump and Musk are doing that is not a direct attack on care: on people who care for a living and on people who need care. It’s as if these men and the party they lead are gunning for care, for anything that even smacks of it. They want to strip it out and stomp on it. It’s waste. It’s fraud.

Which makes sense, if you think psychodynamically. Narcissists do not care. (Possibly, probably, because they were not reliably or believably cared for themselves. So care is fraudulent.) What they do is use everyone around them for their own purposes, which, generally speaking, is to fill up bottomless holes in their souls that can never actually be filled. Narcissists are endlessly usurious; they tantrum and bully when they don’t get their way (that is, when they are “narcissistically injured”); and the people around them must consent to be their despicable objects. (It takes a village.) (It takes a village of groveling, debased cowards.)

Psychopaths do not care. They do what they want without contrition. They are incapable of empathy. They are antisocial (not because they don’t like going to parties but because they don’t like people). They are self-absorbed steamrollers. They are scary.

So that’s what we’ve got leading our country, folks!

Which leads me to my mission.

I’ve been writing to teachers about psychodynamics for almost exactly 13 years, mostly blog posts but also a book and, more recently, a podcast. I have been writing about psychodynamics for the general audience here on Substack for almost exactly 4 years. I’m even on TikTok! (@teacherwhisperer) I’ve been doing this because I believe — nay, I know — that relationships are the foundation of all learning (that’s the teaching angle) and the means by which our species can improve itself (that’s the general audience angle).

And by “improve” I do not mean consume more or grow bigger or surrender our lives to AI. My definition of “improve” is more spiritual (though decidedly nonsectarian); it’s about increasing our ability to love and care for each other and ourselves by learning how to harness the power of relationships to enhance and enrich human connection. Which is what makes life worth living.

As opposed to some people whose lives are worth only as much as the money they can make (or steal).

Because I’m a teacher and teacher educator (and now psychotherapist and psycho-coach) who is fanatical about teacher wellness, I began my writing and consulting career with Teaching through Emotions. Along the way I realized that the ideas I was sharing with teachers — through my posts, book, podcast, and face-to-face work — apply just as powerfully to everybody. This became especially clear when the teachers I met with told me, with amazement, that our work on their school relationships changed their family relationships for the better, too!

So what I’m doing now is consolidating all my content — and there is a terrifyingly huge amount of it — under one umbrella, which is this Substack. Why Substack? Because it is a very popular and versatile platform for content creators and, frankly, because it permits subscriptions. I have really enjoyed publishing my thoughts for free over the past 13 years, but I’m ready to hear back from my readers. Comments are a grand way to be in touch (as they let me know my thoughts aren’t just swirling alone in the cold, dark cosmos); I really hope you will comment freely on whatever I write. Subscriptions are another wonderful way to make your presence and appreciation known.

So that’s why Substack.

Why Teaching through Emotions? When my content is applicable to everybody? I’ve chosen to stick with Teaching through Emotions as the overarching name for my Substack because it’s the original — and I’m a loyal kinda gal. So the entire Substack is named Teaching through Emotions, but the TTE section, which you can subscribe to specifically, is where my posts for teachers appear. They are written for teachers about teachers, but they’re also — because they’re always fundamentally about psychodynamics and the power of right relationship — relevant for other people. Parents, bosses, managers, nannies, grandparents, real estate agents — anybody who has to deal with other human beings.

Being Better is the section for the general audience. That’s the category this post is under because this post is for everyone (teachers included). Again, you can subscribe just to Being Better if you don’t want to receive posts in the other categories.

The third category is called Fuckin’ People. This one deserves a teeny bit of explanation. As a person, a teacher educator, a therapist, and now a psycho-coach, I’ve worked with a lot of people. Some have been assholes themselves, but most have had to deal with assholes in their lives. As a result, I fancy myself a bit of an expert on assholes. Or, as I call them, Fuckin’ People.

They’re everywhere.

I’m especially interested in Fuckin’ People because they are the ones who, through acting out in ways that have super negative impacts on the people around them, are crying out for connection. For correction. Because it can’t feel good to be an asshole, even if you’re the richest asshole in the world. My Fuckin’ People category, then, focuses on assholes and how to deal with them in hopes of stopping them and perhaps even inviting from them the attitudes and behaviors they would have if they weren’t such fuckers.

Hence my motto: Fuckin’ People. Gotta hate ‘em. Gotta love ‘em.

Because if we don’t hate them, we won’t mobilize. And if we don’t love them, they will continue to destroy our lives. We’re seeing it happen now.

It’s counterintuitive, maybe, but I know it’s true: Care is currency. Of incalculable value. It is electrical current. It changes situations, emotions, people instantaneously. And it changes them over time. It is something we cannot afford to lose and, thank god, it is really rewarding to cultivate — especially if you’re allowed to hate along the way.

So I hope you stick with me and watch my project unfold. Thanks for reading this unbearably long email. And please! Comment! Subscribe! To one or all of my Substack categories! Let’s keep care alive!