I’ve been thinking for a long time about this “owning the libs” phenomenon. It’s so blatantly hateful and aggressive, so gleeful, so self-righteous, so deliberately and nastily insulting.
And so pathetic.
It reminds me of birth order. Put super simplistically, many younger siblings look up to their older siblings, admire and idealize them. Younger siblings — let’s call them the babies of the family — often follow their older siblings around, pester them to play, notice their every move, aspire to be smart or coordinated or poised like them.
And many older siblings don’t even notice their younger siblings exist.
That’s an exaggeration, of course. But consider: Older siblings tend to have their parents to worry about. The oldest child starts off as the sole object of their parents’ overflowing love, attention, and anxiety. Which means the first-born can be dealing with a helluva lot of pressure to satisfy parental needs, hopes, dreams, desires, and expectations.
As long as this arrangement persists, the babies of the family can both fly under the radar of their parents’ notice — for better and for worse — and watch their older sibling’s maneuvers closely. And marvel at their many talents. And wish they could win the attention and approval of that sibling, because damn that sibling is SO COOL.
And when that cool sibling takes no notice of them no matter how adoring they are, what do babies do? They start to needle. To whine. To badger and pull and tug. Because they do deserve their sibling’s attention. No doubt.
But imagine when that sibling, noticing the power they have over the baby of the family and feeling genuinely annoyed by them, bullies them, ridicules them, smacks them down because, let’s face it, they’re irritating and pitiful. What does the baby of the family do?
It grows up into a combination of sniveling brat and insecure bully.
I see folks who love to “own the libs” as younger siblings, as babies. Wanting their older siblings’ attention! Wishing it would flow to them naturally just because they deserve it! But no longer whining and begging for attention. As “grown-ups,” the babies use their older siblings’ tactics. They bully and provoke, ridicule and smack down, insult and objectify, looking to have any impact at all — even on libs they don’t know and never will. It’s like they’re fixated on the libs because, apparently, there’s something the libs can provide for them.
Of course, I see the libs as older siblings. Who don’t necessarily notice their younger siblings because, come on, we’re busy! But who smack those babies down when they become a bother.
As a lib myself, I am absolutely superior. I know best and I’m right. All the time. I simply don’t care about the people who put up massive Trump banners or fly confederate flags off the backs of their pickup trucks or rev their growly motorcycle engines or flip protesters the bird as they drive by with their windows tightly rolled up. I wonder about them, yes. They irritate the fuck out of me in the moment, yes. I marvel at their dickishness. Their pathetic assholery. Their willingness to just be pests.
And I notice that I have no desire to do what they do, to broadcast in inescapable ways that I AM. I EXIST HERE AND WANT YOU TO NOTICE ME EVEN IF IT MAKES YOU HATE ME. I’m better than that, of course. I don’t need them to notice me.
Owning the libs, sadly, appears to be an adult version of negative attention-getting. Because these people apparently haven’t or don’t receive enough love and acknowledgment and notice from people who matter to them. They apparently cannot dwell in their beliefs and principles because their own Gardens aren’t interesting or absorbing or satisfying enough. No. They have to fuck up other people’s Gardens because, apparently, having an impact on a lib’s Garden is much more rewarding than cultivating one’s own.
Which makes sense. If you’ve been a baby all your life, hoping for attention and acknowledgment and validation from someone who should care for you but doesn’t, what kind of Garden can you cultivate? When you’re focused on the external, wishing for something that never comes — and, by the way, receiving what you’ve learned to expect, which is neglect and disdain and condescension — what kind of Garden can you plant and tend?
Here, then, is the psycho one-up/one-down dynamic: The babies act like brats. The libs act all superior. Which drives the babies crazy and leads them to enact even more provocative, negative attention-getting behavior. Which deepens the libs’ contempt. And on and on.
Who’s going to break the circuit? (Hint: I don’t think it’s gonna be the babies.)
So here’s the thing: MAGA is horrifying. And unconscionable. And pathetic.
And, when I think of them as neglected and even abused babies, I feel compassion. It would SUCK to be them.
Can we send out love to people whose hatred masks deep neediness?
Shit, I might be completely wrong about this. But if it helps me to battle my own hatred, then it’s a worthwhile error. As a lib, I can practice what I preach: dig deep, skip the easy contemptuous response, get to compassion, and radiate as much love as I can muster. While also allowing the genuine emotions MAGA behaviors trigger, metabolizing them, learning from them, and pooping out what is non-nutritive.
A truly rigorous psychic workout.