Long ago and far away I read a book that really influenced my thinking:
by Riane Eisler.
This book argued that human society has typically organized into two different paradigms: the dominator paradigm and the partnership paradigm.
The dominator paradigm being one where hierarchies determine pecking order, authoritarian power, privilege, wealth, personal value, and, well, domination. Who dominates whom. The partnership paradigm being one where collaboration and mutual care prevail.
Guess which paradigm we’re living under now? (and, of course, have been for millennia)
Here’s another book that made great sense to me:
by George Lakoff.
Lakoff argues in this book that American political parties basically fall into the same categories Eisler outlines (in stupendous detail) in her book: the dominators and the partners. Guess who the dominators are? Guess who the partners are?
Republicans, according to Lakoff, are the Father Knows Best party. While they value a rigid, male-dominated hierarchy (Christian Nationalism much?), they also, perhaps counterintuitively, appeal to their base through emotions.
Democrats, as you might guess, are the Partnership party. They join hands under a Big Tent with all kinds of people with whom they find common ground. The Dems’ MO is to lay out the facts to the populace and trust that the populace can make their own sense of reality — and agree with the Dems on what needs to be done. Kind of a hands-off, trusting approach to governing. One that rests on cognition.
As I’ve watched politics over the decades of my life, and folding in bits of these two interpretations, I’ve come to see the political parties in gendered terms.
Republicans are our fathers. Democrats are our mothers.
Like so many men, Republicans can do whatever they want, no matter how heinous, no matter how violent or sexually abhorrent and even illegal, no matter how blatantly bullying, self-interested, or amoral — because, I guess, Father Knows Best — and remain viable. You know. Boys will be boys. And men, so help me God, will be men.
I really believe that Democrats, on the other hand, are viewed as women, as feminine, as useful when they get us stuff that makes us feel cared for but as contemptible when any little thing goes wrong or bugs us. Kinda like mommies. “Here, carry this for me.” “What’s for dinner?” “Mom! Mom!” (That latter cry can mean “I need you! Help me!” or “Stop being so embarrassing!”)
(My daughter literally said to me the other night after a delicious dessert she herself had made, “Mom! You’re scraping your bowl too loudly!”)
Obviously, my theory is crude. But perhaps it’s grounded in reality. Perhaps we do have totally different expectations for our two political parties because of the needs and expectations we load into each. What do we need and expect from our fathers? What do we need and expect from our mothers? Do we even stop to think about the differences? Might those needs and expectations be unconsciously enacted on the people who lead our government, who (are supposed to) care for us, make us safe, create the conditions for our pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness?
How misogynistic are we, are you, am I?