Internal Critic

When we think about conflict, we tend to think about it as happening outside us, right?

I’ve come to think — based on my own fears of conflict — that the worst part might actually happen inside.

I’m talking about the voice of doubt

that second-guesses us like a whispering demon.

“You think you’ve been treated badly, but maybe you’re just too sensitive.”

“You were harsh.”

“Why did/didn’t you say/do this/that?”

“You’re overthinking this.”

“What is wrong with you?!?”

I have found that my internal critic is

crueler than any external critic has ever been.

This internal critic thrives in voids. Like the one that necessarily exists between you the teacher and that sea of faces called your students. How easy it is to project your worst fears onto those faces! “I’m not making any sense.” “I just said something wrong.” “They hate me!”

Paying attention to your internal critic can illuminate for you just what you expect from the world: to be misunderstood. To be rejected because you made a mistake. To be hated for being you. Uncovering these beliefs and holding them up to the light for cross-examination is a useful antidote to the poison of the internal critic.

Interrogating your negative self-beliefs is also a way to short-circuit the natural urge to

project your self-criticism onto others.

“They’re too lazy to understand.” “They’re not living up to my standards.” “I can’t stand this class!”

Another useful antidote is the reality check. Rather than fill the void with your worst beliefs, consider asking questions of those blank faces. “Am I making sense?” “Who can say what I just said better?” “What is this class/lesson/activity like for you?”

Still that internal critic. Know — and love — thyself. Connect — and engage. Teach and learn.