F*ckin' People
They’re everywhere.
Who are they?
People who prefer lies to demonstrable truths
People who repeal mask mandates
People who can’t contain themselves and so act out on other people
People who can’t get their own and others’ boundaries straight
People who thrive on outrage
People who don’t listen
People who willfully ignore reality
People who collapse in the face of conflict
People who expect others to read their minds
People who cannot own their shit so they blame others for it
People who harass and attack based on partial information
People who turn legitimate moral outrage into bullying
People who hold positions of power and are mindlessly and obstinately incompetent
People who are terrible drivers
And I’m not the only one who feels this way. (Really. Click on that link. It’s hilarious and horrifying.)
Please. Leave a comment about your own Pet F*uckin’ People Peeve.
Let’s get it off our chests.
Because we’re all (potentially) f*ckin’ people.
(If you don’t like swearing as much as I do, replace the asterisk with “ri” and add “frackin’.” As follows:
frickin’ frackin’ people.
Whatever captures the necessary flip from malicious objectification to the realization of your own ridiculousness.)
Thing is (now I’m going to go all psychodynamic on you): When we engage in bad behavior, we’re getting work done. We don’t become our worst selves when the conditions are perfect for us to be our best selves. Right? I won’t attack you on social media if I’m feeling seen and validated by people who matter to me. I won’t blur boundaries with my students if I’m getting what I need from myself and other adults.
No. When we’re overwhelmed or flooded with anxiety and uncertainty, when we feel incompetent, unloved, and alone, when we’re convinced we’re not getting what we deserve, when we’re sure we’re the only ones who can save the world against all enemies — those are the conditions that are ripe for bad behavior.
That’s when we get judgmental and self-righteous and grandiose and play the martyr and trample on other people’s feelings and deny others’ rights and blame them for what’s ours and live in self-absorption and use other people ruthlessly and activate our unconscious defenses to protect ourselves from hurt and anxiety.
Because we’re human.
Because we’ve got work to do — avoiding or discharging poisonous emotions, distracting ourselves from what’s missing, staving off chaos, getting our unconscious needs met — and, under certain conditions, we don’t know how else to do it.
Other than judging and objectifying people and using them to make ourselves feel better.
NOTE: There’s a big difference, in my mind, between someone dedicated to making a lasting difference — calling out injustice, working to bring about healthy, progressive change, engaging effectively — and f*ckin’ people. The former, it seems to me, are compassionate and constructive and contained (I’m thinking of MKL Jr. here). The latter are bent on discharge and destruction.
And, of course, the latter can become the former. And vice-versa.
When are you which?
It is very important, in my view, to notice f*ckin’ people. To wonder what’s behind their incomprehensible behavior. To look for their humanity in the midst of wholesale dehumanization.
Perhaps more important is to notice when we ourselves become f*ckin’ people. And to wonder when and why that transformation occurs in us.
I feel as though we’re living in a time of such emotional self-indulgence that, unless each one of us commits to scrutinizing ourselves and how we’re permitting ourselves to go uncontained, to crush the Nth, there’s no hope of progress. At least, not any time soon.
Disclosure: I’m assuming here that connection is better than disconnection. But that may not be true for everyone. In fact, in this time of
intense tribalism,
it appears that connection with certain people is better than connection with Others (however we reserve the right to define them).
How is this related to teaching? If you’re a teacher or an administrator, I’m guessing you know.
Mantra: Say it: “F*CKIN’ PEOPLE.” Laugh heartily. Re-subjectify yourself and the other. Get on with your emotion work.
And don’t forget to share your Pet F*ckin’ People Peeve in the comments below.