Surviving Wellness
Sometimes I think the hardest thing about being healthy is surviving it.
Yes, it’s hard to tell someone to back off. It’s hard to resist the urge to fill a void. It’s hard to show up and contribute to the Third.
But, in my experience, the biggest reason we don’t try these hard things is our fear of what comes next.
Guilt.
Second-guessing.
Pushback.
Abandonment.
Attack.
Shame.
And my personal favorite:
Self-criticism.
From the point of view of psychodynamics (psycho = internal, emotional; dynamics = external, relational), this reluctance to be well makes complete sense.
We fit with other people, behave in the world, in ways that help us manage these deep fears, these terrible emotions. (Manage = avoid.)
If we fit with other people by letting them breach our boundaries, by doing their jobs for them, by falling silent, shrinking, or collapsing, then it’s fair to guess that these behaviors help us avoid some feelings we do not want to have.
(See above.)
And if we throw these defensive behaviors to the wind and act with self-respect, then what happens to those feelings? They arise! Like monsters from the deep!
And that gives us more hard work to do. (Hard work = emotion work.)
So yeah. There are persuasive reasons to keep on keepin’ on with the dysfunction. With the
shouldering all the responsibility
worrying for everyone
procrastinating
blaming
(I’m thinking about how crazy things are in schools around the country that are facing another high-stakes, high-emotion, rudderless fall.)
But there are more persuasive reasons to do the emotion work.
emotional relief
strengthened relationships
fair distribution of responsibility and anxiety
disappearance of panic
flexible boundaries
healthy grasp of realities (your own, others’, your school’s)
psychic change
lasting wellness
Surviving wellness can take time. It can also be instantaneous. And it’s always easier with a coach.
Get one.
Or get many. By organizing a Teacher Support Group for yourself.
Mantra: If I want to be well this year, I need this.